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Te presentamos algunos argumentos que

Te presentamos algunos argumentos que te permitir�n huir en “ese momento” sin necesidad de que digas: “me estoy c…”

Ecol�gica: Ya vengo, Voy a reciclar material biodegradable.
Art�stica: Voy a pintar un angelito negro.
Filos�fica: Voy a pasar de lo abstracto a lo concreto.
Culinaria: Voy a ponerle sabor al caldo.
Rom�ntica: Voy a entregar unos bombones.
Franca: Me voy a sincerar.
Bien intencionada: Voy a sacar lo mejor de mi.
Coqueta: Me voy a echar ag�ita en los cachetes.

Otras formas de decir: “Ya vengo, voy al ba�o”

Voy a evacuar una duda.
Voy a soplar la vela, antes de que se me caiga la torta.
Voy a mandar unos troncos al aserradero.
Voy a sacarme un peso de encima.
Voy a despedir un amigo del interior.
Voy a tirar la basura.
Voy a desalojar al inquilino.
Voy a echar una boya.
Voy a echar un topo al remolino.
Voy a hacer una escultura ef�mera.
Voy a hundir un zeppelin.
Voy a externar mi malestar.
Voy a tumbarle el puro al cachet�n.
Voy a desechar una hip�tesis.
Voy a negociar la liberaci�n de rehenes.
Voy a liberar a Willy.

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BOYISH PRANKS

“Why are you making your baby sister cry? I have asked you to give her whatever she asks,is”nt it?” shouts the mother.

“I did exactly that,Mom. She wanted a Green Chilli and I gave it to her” said the boy mischeviously.

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Thoughts to ponder — trials and tribulations

1) I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.2) When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?3) I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.4) Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.5) If all is not lost, where is it?6) It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.7) If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.8) The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.9) I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.10) It was all so different before everything changed.11) Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.12) Nostalgia isn’t what is used to be.13) I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.14) It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.15) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.16) The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.17) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.18) When you’re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?19) There are two kinds of pedestrians…the quick and the dead.20) A closed mouth gathers no feet.21) Being healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.22) It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.23) The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

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What Sex is Polly?

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot’s neck.A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father’s collar, wolf whistles, and says, “I see she caught you at it, too.”

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Una adolescente de catorce a�os

Una adolescente de catorce a�os va con su mam� y le dice que desde hace un par de meses no tiene el per�odo.

Preocupad�sima, la mam� compra en la farmacia un test de embarazo y el resultado de la prueba es positivo. Gritos, imprecaciones, lamentos, l�grimas…

Que qui�n ha sido el cerdo, que quiero saberlo, que ahora se lo dices a tu padre, etc., etc.

La chica, una vez a solas, toma el tel�fono y hace una llamada. Media hora despu�s se detiene ante la casa una Ferrari �ltimo modelo, de la que sale un tipo maduro y distinguido, de pelo entrecano, vestido impecablemente con un elegante traje que se adivina car�simo. Toma asiento en el sal�n ante el padre, la madre y la hija y dice:

“Buenos d�as. Vuestra hija me ha informado del problema. Sin embargo, yo no puedo casarme con ella porque tengo otra situaci�n familiar, aunque me har� cargo. Si nace una ni�a, le puedo legar 3 tiendas, 2 apartamentos, una villa en el mar y una cuenta de $ 500 mil d�lares. Si nace un ni�o, el legado ser� un par de f�bricas, adem�s de los $ 500 mil. Y si nacen gemelos, una f�brica y $ 250 mil us para cada uno. En cambio, si pierde el embarazo…”

En este punto el padre, que hab�a permanecido callado todo el tiempo, se levanta, le apoya una mano en el hombro y le dice:

“�Te la echas de nuevo!”

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No Refills

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true”, the woman
wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest
of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.” The doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering,
then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked ‘NO
REFILLS.'”

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The Airplane

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.”

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What is the difference between roadkill and a dead

There’s skidmarks infront of the roadkill!!

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Yet another bad set of wishes…

A man finds a lamp – rubs it and a genie pops out – he grants the man 3 wishes.

( you can make up the first 2 yourself as they are not important ) I usually use:

First he wishes to put his hand in his pockets and automatically find wads of money

Wish granted says the genie

The man puts his hands in his pockets and sure enough – wads of notes are in there. AMAZING!!

Secondly he wishes for superstar looks

Wish granted says the genie

He looks for a shop window and sees a hunk gazing back! AMAZING

For the 3rd wish – he grabs the genie and whispers in his ear

No problem says the genie

Later that night the man is sound alsleep in his bed when he is woken by loud banging at his door.

What the hell could that be?

He goes downstairs to answer it and is greeted by several men in white hoods holding a burning cross and a noose.

What the hell???

You did say you wanted to be hung like a nigger says the Ku Klux Klan guy!

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Top 17 Excuses for Not Releasing an Album for 20 Years

This is from the Top Five List at http://www.topfive.com. Steely Dan, has just released their first album of new music since 1980.17> Just emerged from the bomb shelter, figuring 20 years was enough time for the noxious fumes of disco to subside.16> It started out as a simple Chinese finger cuff prank, then the next thing you know…15> Hey — traffic in L.A. is a bitch!14> Hunting down that infidel Salman Rushdie not as easy as it sounds.13> “Hey Nineteen” turned out to be more like “Hey Fourteen-and-a-Half,” and there were some, er, legal issues to resolve.12> Spent the last two decades reelin’ in the beers.11> “All I can say is, never get in a pissing contest with Boston.”10> Spent every night of the last 20 years at the Wintergarden, watching CATS. 9> Were waiting for an invitation to join the Traveling Wilburys. 8> Stuck trying to find a word that rhymes with “marsupial.” 7> Been in mourning ever since the Sons of the Pioneers started dropping like flies. 6> Twenty year ban on literate, well-crafted songs recently lifted by UN. 5> Busily supplying sperm for lesbian rock singers like modern-day Johnny Appleseeds. 4> Producer kept insisting on bringing Yoko to the recording sessions. 3> Will to live only recently re-awakened by potent Viagra/Parker Posey therapy. 2> Took a while to convince Mom to park on the street and free up the garage….and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Excuse for Not Releasing an Album for 20 Years… 1> Repeatedly seduced by that wanton temptress known as the snooze button.

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Rejection lines

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean…)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance”.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my Dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work. (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ‘solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.)

Now the male perspective on the same issue:

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean…)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)

6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)

5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)

2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.)

1. Let’s be friends. (You’re sinfully ugly.)

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Funeral Mishap

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when
they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint
moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at
the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again
carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,
“Watch out for the wall!”

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