aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Advertisement
Ratings
Views
Advertisement

https://cse.google.com/cse?cx=partner-pub-5979279073729308:6322037307&q=amazon%20prime&oq=amazon%20prime&gs_l=partner-generic.12…3617.10500.0.12919.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0.gsnos%2Cn%3D13…0.6897j4960753j12..1ac.1.25.partner-generic..0.0.0.

 

Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

Baby Birds

You know that Storks bring babys of course. What kind of bird
definitely does not bring babys?

Swallows!

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Safety Tips For Men Who Visit XXX Sites

1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.

2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for participation in the LIVE sex shows.

3. The fan in your computer’s power supply is not a good place to cool your “heat of passion” (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience).

4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy “tickling the keys” with your manhood.

5. Semen IS electrically conductive!

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Whats the speed limit for sex?…

Whats the speed limit for sex?
68 because once u hit 69 u have to turn around

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Dating vs. Marriage

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your
husband at all times.

When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going
to drink?”

When you are dating….. He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ….He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating….. A Single bed for 2 isn’t THAT bad.
When you are married ….A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating….. You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ….You think to yourself “Was he ALWAYS this hairy????”

When you are dating….. You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ….You tell him “If we have sex, will you leave me
alone???”

When you are dating….. He hugs you, when he walks by you for no
reason.
When you are married ….He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating….. You picture the two of you together, growing old
together.
When you are married ….You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating….. Just looking at him makes you feel all “mushy.”
When you are married ….When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating….. He knows what the “hamper” is.
When you are married ….The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage
area.

When you are dating….. He understands if you “Aren’t in the mood.”
When you are married ….He says “It’s your job.”

When you are dating….. He understands that you have “male” friends.
When you are married ….He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating….. He likes to “discuss” things.
When you are married ….He develops a “blank” stare.

When you are dating….. He calls you by name.
When you are married ….He calls you “Hey” and refers to you when speaking to
others as “She.”

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Grey hair (um, down _there_)

Melissa was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates..”I know you haven’t been getting much lately…but I didn’t know you were so worried about it!”

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

If you could change a woman and a man

These two guys are out hunting and they are getting pretty drunk, and the first man says to the other, “If you could change any three things on a woman what would it be?” The other man replies, “I would first make their butt tighter, then they would have eyes in the back of their head, then I would have their crotch be on their shoulder.” The other man kind of looks at him weird and says, “Ok same Question except for a man.”The man replies, “Well just like the girl, a tight butt, eyes in the back of their head, but i would put his peanis on his finger.” The frrst guy looks at him again and has to ask and he says, “What the hell would you do that for?!?!?” And the other man replies, “So when you walk up to them you could say, hey i know you” while you poke them in the shoulder.(when youi tell this joke…….comes in handy in getting the point across by poking the other person in the shoulder while you say, “Hey, I know you!”)

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Pleasant Round of Golf

Two queers were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell’s Angels began hitting into them from behind. One queer finally becomes angry and turns to his partner,”If those big bad boys hit into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We’ll just sue those naughty boys.”

Sure enough, next hole they drove the ball directly into the gay twosome. “Now, Seymour, now! Fall down. Well show them…”

The Angels walk up to the standing and lying queer and say, “What the hell’s going on here?”

“You just hurt my friend Seymour really bad, and we’re going to get a lawyer and sue you….how do you like that?”

The Angel replys, “Oh Blow Me!”

The queer exclaims, “Seymour,Seymour, get up! They want to settle out of court!”

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Death of an Eel

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother:

“Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,just like the doctor would. Except he’s not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch.

This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick…. a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST!

Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.

When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go… I guess it bit her back.

Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel…

I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway.

He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn’t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats…. they have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis’s boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.”

Mother fainted.

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Once a day

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: ”This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, ”He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: ”This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, ”This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.” They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: ”This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, ”WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.” The man turns to his wife and says, ”Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

One life saved…

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, “Life isn’t so bad after all,” and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

“Thank you,” he said. “I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.”

“Dancing? I’m not dancing!” the armless man replied bitterly…

“My asshole itches, and I can’t scratch it!”

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Got Sperm?

Question = What do you call a hooker with white eyes?
Answer = FULL!!

Rate This Post :
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Advertisement
Advertisement