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Archive for the ‘bush’ Category

George Bush is out jogging one morning

George Bush is out jogging one morning, notices Little Johnny on the corner
with a box. Curious he runs over to Little Johnny and says, “What’s in the box
kid?”

Little Johnny says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”

George Bush laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”

“Republicans,” says Little Johnny.

“Oh that’s cute,” he says and he goes on his way.

A couple of days later George Bush is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and
he spies Little Johnny with his box just ahead.

George Bush says to Dick, “You gotta check this out” and they both jog over to
Little Johnny.

George Bush says, “Look in the box Dick, isn’t that cute? Look at those little
kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.”

Little Johnny replies, “They’re Democrats.”

“Whoa!” George Bush says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were
Republicans. What’s up?”

“Well,” Little Johnny explains, “Their eyes are open now.”

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This time the stupid one’s in charge.

How do you tell the first Bush administration from the second Bush
administration?
This time the stupid one’s in charge.

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I’m a patient man

“I’m a patient man. And when I say I’m a patient man, I mean I’m a patient
man. Nothing he [Saddam Hussein] has done has convinced me � I’m confident the
Secretary of Defense � that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forgo
weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is �
will honor the people � the Iraqi people of all stripes, will � values human
life. He hasn’t convinced me, nor has he convinced my administration.” �George
W. Bush, Crawford, Texas.

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News Item: Flinstones Way too Gay

Bush Seeks Ban on Cartoon, Cereal, Vitamins

The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as president Bush demanded that television stations stop broadcasting “The Flintstones” at once.

Harland Devane, presidents Bush�s leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, “Quite simply, everything about ‘The Flintstones’ is way too gay.”

The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over fifty ways in which the self-styled “modern Stone Age family” series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.

“Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone’s ‘Alexander,'” Mr. Devane said.

He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants, and live together in the suggestively named town of Bedrock.

Noting that the show’s theme song exhorts viewers to have “a gay old time,” he added that the two men wear hard hats and construction garb while at work, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band “The Village People.”

“Do I believe they are gay icons?” Mr. Devane said. “I abba-dabba-do.”

He added that Focus on the Flintstones’ efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from TV, telling reporters that the group is also “taking a close look” at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.

“We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles,” he said

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Friendly Favor

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of
businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. “Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my
name is Steve Case, and I’m here with an extremely important client tonight.
We’re going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if,
when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, ‘Hello, Steve’.”

Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep
in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, “Hello, Steve.”

The little man says, “F**k off, Bush! I’m in a meeting,” and keeps walking.

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President Bush

“President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage
war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American
voters to become president, either.”

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Bush & the Blackboard

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson on politics. First he asked
the kid to write “The President” on the blackboard.
Then Bush asked the child what he thought the President should accomplish and
the child replied, “Protect the environment and clean up the air.”
Dubya countered, “Why should the clouds be white and the water be blue when
they could be all kinds of cool colors? Is that so terrible. Can’t we agree on
it? Can you spell “Is” and “We”?
The boy spells out “Is” then “We” on the blackboard.
“My friends at the oil companies can make chemicals to make trees tall. If
fact, they already did. Can you write, “tall” and “did”?
The boy writes the words on the blackboard.
“Now young man, what have you learned from your talk with the President?”
The boys stand up and read what he has written on the blackboard aloud: “The
President is we tall did.”

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Being elected president.

What major goal does George W. Bush still dream of accomplishing?
Being elected president.

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Declaration of Independence

“We hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says, that all have got
uninalienable rights, endowed by a Creator.” �George W. Bush, to community and
religious leaders in Moscow, May 24, 2002

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Bush At The Airport

George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a
long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a
staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?”
Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked,
“Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?”
Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses
replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in
the desert.”

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Trip to Asia

“My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here
because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the
great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era
of peace in the Pacific.” �George W. Bush, who apparently forgot about a little
something called World War II, Tokyo, and Feb. 18, 2002

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One hungry Bush…

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up
to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says,
“Honey, can I have a quickie?”

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women’s rights and
storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, “George, its pronounced ‘quiche’.”

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