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Archive for the ‘other’ Category

Rolls

Why do fat people hate rolls?

Because they see enough everday when they look in the mirror!

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Burns longer

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.

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Marketing

The buzzword in today’s business world is MARKETING.

However, people often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.” Well, here it is:

– You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

– You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed,”

That’s Advertising.

– You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

– You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

– You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

– You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”…..

That’s Junk Mail.

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Dos compadres pasaban por un

Dos compadres pasaban por un callej�n y un tipo se les acerca con una jeringa dici�ndoles: “denme el dinero o les inyecto el SIDA”.

Uno de los compadres empieza a darle el dinero, pero el otro se niega, retando al asaltante: “no; iny�ctame lo que quieras, pero a m� nadie me roba.

“�Qu� hace, compadre?”, le pregunta el otro angustiado, mientras el agresor le inyecta todo el contenido de la jeringa.

Cu�ndo el delincuente se aleja, le pregunta: “�por qu� dej� que lo inyectaran, compadre?”

“No se preocupe compadre, tra�a puesto un cond�n”, le contesta el otro.
(Jaime Alejandro Arjona Tamez)

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Blonde State of Mind

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!”
Her friend said, “O.K. then, what’s the capital of France?”
The blonde replied, “Oh, that’s so easy! F.”

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Elephant and Naked man

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

how do u eat with that thing

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Brittany Spears

Brittany Spears is so plastic, people try to sell her in stores.

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And Jesus said to the

And Jesus said to the Mexicans

“Don’t do anything until I get back.”

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Pumpkin Fucker

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 PM Friday.

Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the county courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.

“You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview from the county courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged “need.”

“I guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said officer Taylor. “I walked up to him and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.”

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. She just went up and said, “Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?”

“He got real surprised as you’d expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, ‘A pumpkin? Damn… is it midnight already?'”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

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A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors…

A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a drawing he
was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother finally looked over
his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked “Who’s that you’re drawing, son?”
The son answered, “God.”
“Don’t be silly,” reproved the mother. “Nobody knows what God looks
like.”
Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly, “They will
when I’m finished!”

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A priest and a rabbi

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it
home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling
water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he ran out and asked
the priest what he was doing. “I’m blessing it” the priest replied.

The rabbi replied “Oh,” then he ran back into the synagogue. He
reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut
off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

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Top Ten Perks Of Being Saddam Hussein’s Stepson

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel.
9. People never refer to you as “The crazy one in the family”.
8. On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction .
7. Don’t want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad’s
exact location.
6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you’ll be torturing the Iraqi
people.
5. Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close.
4. Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather.
3. Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors.
2. You can get first pick of the police auction’s seized and repossessed
camels.
1. Get to call Bin Laden “Uncle Osama”

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