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Archive for the ‘bill clinton’ Category

News Flash

This just in: Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered
President Clinton’s firm denial: “I have had enough. This whole experience has
left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can’t stomach any more. I feel as if I am
getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and has blown up in
my face. This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I
am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming.
will meet this challenge the only way I know how … head on. I have licked
bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to
say that Monica Lewinsky isn’t a finisher, that she quit before the job was
done. I will work nonstop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean
of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it. ” Thank you, Monica
Lewinsky.

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What was the first thing Monica Lewinsky saw…

What was the first thing Monica Lewinsky saw in Washington?

The executive branch.

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Politician + Lawyer = ?

Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a dishonest lawyer?A. Chelsea!

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How to Avoid Bubba

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of
those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you
don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill,
and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.”
Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s
“politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome
sexual advances�.
Hillary asks, “Well, how do you deal with the problem?”
Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I
muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.”
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips
into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be want some
action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart
you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, “Janet, is that you?”

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$3.00 Presidential funds

Q: Why are they asking for $3.00 Presidential funds in this year’s tax returns
(Last year it was only $1.00)
A: Because The condom prizes have gone up!

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Flying Fruit

There are three guys on a plane, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Saddam Hussein.

Bored, George Bush blurts out, “I want to see an apple fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

A while later Bill Clinton says, “I want to see an orange fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

A little while longer, Saddam Hussein says, “Well, I want to see a grenade fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

The plane lands and the three guys are walking down a market street when they come across an old woman crying and rubbing her head.

“Whats the matter?” they ask her.

“I was sitting here tending to my shop when an apple flew from the sky and hit me on the head.”

A bit embarrassed, they continue walking down the street.

A while later they come across a man crying and cursing at the sky. “What’s the matter?” they ask him.

“I was sitting here minding my own buisness when an orange came out of the sky and hit me on the head.”

A bit concerned, they continue down the road until they come across a little boy laughing very hard.

“What’s so funny?” they ask the little boy.

The little boy leans in close and whispers, “I farted, and the house behind me blew up.”

Submitted by Mindy0206
Edited by yisman

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President’s day?

Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s
day?
All pants half off.

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To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust

Q: What’s Bill Clinton’s least expensive hobby?
A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust.

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Swallow the leader.

Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader.

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Ordering a quickie

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, “Are you ready to order?”

Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.”

“A quickie?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea. I’ll come back when you are ready to order from the menu.”

She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, “Bill, it’s pronounced ‘Quiche.'”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

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Clinton Ice Cream Flavors

Slick Willie
Chunky Monkey
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream
Impeach-Mint
Candy Pants
Chocolate Chip Doughboy
Chilly Hillbilly
Vanilla Pantsachio
Subpoena Colada
Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy
Horny Bubba Crunch
Arkansas Peach
Subpoena Butter Cup
Peppermint Fattie
Captain Cream
Fat Ass
Tubby Bubba
Hillary Chiller
Fundraising Coffee
Oval Office Surprise
Arkansas Smoothie
Hyperactive Nuts
Scandal berry
Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl

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Making People Happy

How to Avoid Bubba?
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al,
chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now
and make someone very happy�.
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out
the window and make 10 people very happy�.
Hilary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, “I could throw one
hundred $1 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy�.
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them, and says, “I could throw all
three of you out the window and make the whole country happy!”

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