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Archive for the ‘bar & drinking’ Category

Drunk Irish

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. ‘Why, of course,’ comes the reply.The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?”I’m from Ireland,’ replies the second man.The first man responds by saying, ‘You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too. Let’s have another round to Ireland.”Of course,’ replies the second man.Curious, the first man then asks, ‘Where in Ireland are you from?”Dublin,’ comes the reply.’I can’t believe it,’ says the first man, ‘I’m from Dublin too. Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”Of course,’ replies the second man.Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, ‘What school did you go to?”St Mary’s,’ replies the second man, ‘I graduated in 1962.”This is unbelievable,’ the first man says. ‘I went to St Mary’s and I graduated in 1962 too.’About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar. ‘What’s been going on?’ he asks the barman.’Nothing much,’ replies the barman. ‘The O’Malley twins are drunk again.’

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Sick of Her

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s
going to divorce his wife.

“Good grief,” says Jim, “you and Sue are the happiest couple I know! Why on
earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of
obvious bliss?”

“Well,” replies Fred, “truth be known, I’m just bored with screwing the same
hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankering’ for a bit of
variety.”

Jim replied, “Well, if you want variety, why don’t you just, you
know, turn her over every now and again?”

Fred says, “What? And have a house full of kids?”

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Why do black women smell bad?

because of the chicken an watermelon that that find refuge in
those big sponge lips.

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sabi ni kit saan mo binili yang damit mo sinongkit…

sabi ni kit saan mo binili yang damit mo sinongkit

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Airport Jokes

What did Mohammed say to Sahid just before they got on the plane? “Is that a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

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Feeling Angry

Two drunks were in a bar feeling angry.

Then Angry got mad and walked out.

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man in bar

a man and his wife stopped in at a bar,sat down on a stool beside this guy,after a while this man let go with a sizzler the man with his wife ask,did you fart fore my wife,the man replied,didn’t know it was her turn.

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Donkey Woman!

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies”, I’ll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass”.

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say’s nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.

A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.

The barman gets the drinks and says, “it’s probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think it’s very fair for him to call you that”.

The woman turns to him and smiles and says…
“Oh, dont worry, it’s ok – heaw, heaw, he always calls me that”!

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Drunk Mrs. Fitzgeral

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.”Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the reverend said sternly.”This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?” “Shure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, “Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar.”The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz.”The bartender nodded.”Well if you’re that far you may as well finish.”

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Skiny

you is soooo skiny if you had a lot of hair on your head you would look like a used q-tip.

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The Gay in the Bar

A gay guy walks into a bar and says “bartender give me a brewskie.”

The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”

The gay continues, “I’ll just sit in the corner and drink my beer and won’t say anything.”

The bartender says, “Well, all right!” and pours a beer.

A while later a cowboy walks in and says “Bartender give me a beer!  I’m so thirsty I could lick the  sweat off a cow’s balls”

A voice is heard from the corner. “Moo!  Moo!  Buckaroo!”

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Escape a dwi rap

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing
lights from a policeman appear in the driver’s rear-view mirror. ”Don’t
worry!” says the driver to his friend, ”Just do exactly what I tell you and
everything will work out perfectly. First, we’ll peel the labels off our beer
bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles
under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!”

They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He
shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. ”Have you been
drinking?” he asks them.

”Oh no Sir,” replies the driver.

”I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you
haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.

”Oh, no sir,” the drunk answers. ”We haven’t had a thing to drink
tonight.”

”Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, ”What on earth are those things
on your forehead?”

”That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. ”You see, we’re both alcoholics,
and we’re on the patch!”

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