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Archive for the ‘politicians’ Category

Bin Laden, NY gov., Bush and a Genie

One day Bush, Bin Laden, and the governor of NY were walking on
the beach when they stumpled upon a genie’s lamp.

They rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie. The genie said, “I
have three wishes and since there are three of you I will give
each of you
a wish.”

The governor of NY said, “I will go first. I want the
twin towers built back just like they were Sept. 10, but I want
them built to modern day standards.” The genie snapped his
fingers and it was done.

Bin Laden yelled out, “I want to go next. I want a wall built
around Afganistan. I want this wall taller than anybody can
fly, deeper than anybody can ever dig, and thicker than anybody
can penitrate.” The genie snapped his fingers and it was done.

Finally Bush says, ” I want to know more about this wall. How
tall is it?” The genie replys, “It is 10 million miles tall.”
Bush then asks, “How thick is it?”To this the genie replys, “It
is a hundred miles thick.” Then Bush says,”I know my wish
FILL THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH FULL OF WATER!!!!”

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Tragedy

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a “TRAGEDY”. One
little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives
next door was playing in the street when a car came along and
killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY.” “No,” Clinton says, “That
would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a
TRAGEDY.” I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we
would call a GREAT LOSS.” The room is silent; none of the other
children volunteer. “What?” asks Clinton. “Isn’t there any one
here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?”

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he
speaks: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were
blown up by a bomb, that would be a TRAGEDY.” “Wonderful!”
Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be
a TRAGEDY?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an ACCIDENT, and
it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!”

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3 Boys Saved Bill Clinton’s Life

Three kids were walking down a dirt path in the forest. One of
the kids sees Bill Clinton drowing. The three boys save Bill
Clinton. Bill Clinton is so pleased that they saved his life he
decided to give each one of them a request. The first boy said,
“Chicks, lots of hot chicks.” The second boy said, “Candy, lots
of candy.” And the third boy said, “A coffin next to Grants
tomb.” Bill Clinton asked why he wanted a coffin next to Grant’s
tomb, and the boy said, “When my dad finds out that I saved your
life he is going to kill me.”

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A Quickie

George W. Bush and Al Gore went to a fancy resturaunt. The
waitress came and asked what they wanted. George said, “I want a
quickie.” The witress slapped him and walked away. George then
asked Al what he did wrong. Gore told him it that was pronounced
“queshe.”

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Clinton’s Last Hurrah

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our
government underwent a peaceful transition of power. I was proud
as Mr. Bush took his oath of office.

I was sad as I watched Mr. Clinton board Air Force One for the
final time. It may surprise you that this made me sad, but
watching this part of the days festivities, I saw 21 U.S.
Marines, in full dress, with rifles, fire a 21 gun salute to the
outgoing President.

It was then that I realized how far America’s military had
deteriorated.

Every last one of them missed.

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The Clinton Administration

What are they calling the Clinton administration, now that he’s
out of office?

Sex between the Bushes!

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The Bush Joke

What are you called if you are paid to kill president Bush.

A Bush Wacker.

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Survey About Bill Clinton

There was a survey filled out by every woman in America, asking
whether they would sleep with Bill Clinton, and here are the
results:

3% said yes
6% said no
91% said not again

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3 Parachutes 4men

George Bush, a hippy, bill Gates, and a priest are on an
airplane. The airplane starts to crash and there’s only 3
parachutes. George Bush said “I’m the president the American
people can’t live without me,” so he grabs a parachute and
jumps. bill Gates said “I’m the smartest richest person in the
world I have to live.” So he grabs a parachute and jumps. It was
down to the priest and the hippy and the priest said “It’s
better to give than to receive take the last parachute,” and the
Hippy said No man, it’s all good… Bill Gates grabbed my back
pack.

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True Staments

George W. Bush, Al Gore, And Ralph Nader were eating dinner
together when they all had to go to the restroom. Upon entering
the restroom the mirror came alive and said, “Each of you is to
make a statement about yourselves. If it is true you will get
whatever use want and if it is false you will be cast into the
pit of eternal torment.”

Ralph Nader went first and said, “I Think I am very
environmentally concerned.” And instantly got a million dollars.

Al Gore went next and said, “I think I think I have had a lot of
experience with a high office,” and got a new car.

George W. went next. He said, “I think…” and was instantly
sucked into the pit.

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heaven

al gore, monet, and einstein went to heaven. but since there are
so many people trying to sneak into heaven, St. Peter has to
guard the gates of heaven. he sees einstein and asks him “how
can you prove that you are who you say you are?” einstein takes
a piece of chalk and writes his most difficult theories of
reletivity on a chalkboard. St. Peter says “ok, einstein, come
on in.” Monet takes the chalk and draws a beautiful picture of a
sunset. St. Peter says, “ok, Monet, come on in.” he turns to
Gore and says, “well, monet and einstein proved they were who
they said they were. how are you going to prove YOURself?” Gore
puts on a blank, stupid look and says, “who’s einstein, and who
the hell is Monet?” St. Peter says, “ok, Gore, come on in!”

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Our Scary Gov’t

WOW !!! THIS IS SCARY !!!

Can you imagine working for an organization that has a little
more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress – the same
group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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