Archive for the ‘gays & lesbians’ Category

You Know You’re in San Francisco When…

You know you’re in San Francisco when…..

Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are

When someone says TENDERLOIN- you don’t think of steak. You
think of danger.

You make over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a
conversation in English.

You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you
know the drivers have never seen it.

You can’t remember….is pot illegal?

You’ve been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers
and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown
and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting
from Ohio.

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. Your
child’s 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and
is named “Breeze.” And, after telling that to a friend, they
still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can’t decide
between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a
building your web site class.

You haven’t been to Fisherman’s Wharf since the first month you
moved to SF and you couldn’t figure out how to drive to Coit
Tower if your life depended on it.

A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless
chaps. You don’t notice.

A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don’t notice.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting
from the midwest.

You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a

You keep a list of companies to boycott.

Your hairdresser is gay, your plumber is gay, the woman who
delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy
in drag.

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Little Man

A guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing He looked over
and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over
at him and said, “Hello.” The little man said, “Hi, I’m a
leprechaun!” The guy was amazed. The leprechaun said “I like
you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes.”

The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The
guy said, “Okay, I want a big house.” The leprechaun said, “When
you return home, you will have a huge mansion!”

The guy said, “And then I want a beautiful woman for my own.”
The leprechaun said, “I will give you a woman so wonderful you
will never look at anyone else.”

The guy didn’t know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw
the size of this leprechaun’s dick. It was huge. He said “Okay,
my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours.” The
leprechaun said, “I’ll give it to you if you let me screw you up
the butt.” The guy didn’t want to, but he really wanted a big
dick. So the two were tearing it up! All the sudden the guy
yelled out, “I can’t believe I’m letting a leprechaun screw me
up the butt!” Then the leprechaun said, “I can’t believe you
think I am a leprechaun.”

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Wood You Tell?

Jack and Dan work together and are good friends while at work.
Outside of work they live different lives. One day, Jack and Dan
are in the breakroom relaxing and drinking coffee when Jack asks
Dan the following:

JACK: Hey Dan can I ask you a personal question?

DAN: It depends, how personal?

JACK: Not much. Just wondering if you keep any secrets from your

DAN: Oh no. I tell my wife everything.

JACK: Really. Then let me ask you this. If you went camping in
the woods. You got all drunk and passed out, and in the morning
you woke up with scrapes all on your knees and hands. And coming
out of your ass was a used condom! Would you tell your wife that?

DAN YELLS: Hell no!

JACK: Okay! (Pauses a few seconds) Hey Dan, Wanna go camping?

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The Lesbian at the Bar

A guy walks into a bar and he sees a realy hot girl sitting on
the other end. So he tells the bartender to buy her a drink. The
bartender says “I don’t know if you want to do that because she
is a lesbian.” The guy says, “I don’t care. Buy her one anyway.”

So the lady accepts the drink and tells the guy to come over and
she says, “Do you wanna see some ass?” She bends over and shows
him her ass.

After a while he tells the bartender to buy her another drink.
She accepts it and calls him over and says, “Do you wanna see
some tits” And she flashes him.

A little while later the girl goes to the bathroom. The guy
tells the bartender to buy her another drink before she comes
back. She gets back, sees the drink, and says “Another drink!”
So again she calls him over and says, “Do you wanna smell some
pussy?” And breathes in his face.

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The Merry Men

There were 3 gay guys in a plane and they were on there way to
gay day at disney when suddenly to there astonishment the plane
engine exploded. the captain came out and took the only
parachute and jumped out of the plane.So being stupid as they
were they decided to jump they all jumped out. the first gay guy
landed in a lake it took them 2 days to find him. the second guy
landed on the road it took them 1 week to scrap him off the
highway. But, the third man landed buttfirst onto a big pole and
it took 2 years to get the smile off his face.

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good! better! even better! bad

there once was a woman named diane gave a blow job to a man
other than her husband.she was band from her town. so everyone
would know what she had done they wrote bj all over her cloths
and skin.

when she reached the next town she asked if she could live
there. the mayer said yes, only because he might get a bj from
her and he did.

the next a girl has 69 all over her body and goes to that same
town hoping to be able to live their. the again says yes for
only one reason.

the next day another girl with 3-way all over her body asks if
she could live in the town. the mayor says yes and gets a 3-way.

the mayor gets so used to this that he tells all of his men that
if someone with writing all over their body asks if the can live
here tell them yes only if they will do what the writing on
their body says to him.

two days later the mayor died for an unkown reason. every asked
mayors men what had happened. one of the mayors men says ” a man
with bf over his body come and….

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Players Trip To Playtown

There is a player named Shaun. He goes from country to country
to find the best sex. He seeks his adventure in Germany and goes
to a German town named Playtown. Supposedly, he heard that the
best sex goes in this town, so he’s eager to go.

Since prostitution is legal in Germany, he goes up to the
counter and explains his “pimpin adventure.” The clerk smiles
and says, “You can only stay for 3 nights, and you can only pick
3 rooms out of 10. One room per night. But remember, don’t go to
Room Number 1. And when you are done, come on down and tell me
about it.” And with that, he gives Shaun the 10 keys.

Shaun goes to Room Number 9 and does that ho bad. The next
morning he goes down and says that that was one of the best sex
acts he has ever done. The clerk smiles and reminds him again to
stay out of Room Number 1.

The next night, Shaun has a better ho and a better time in Room
Number 3 then he did at Room Number 9. He goes back down and
tells the clerk that he had so much fun and it felt so good he
wants the same girl again. But the clerk said that one girl one
time is enough. And he reminded Shaun that one night was left,
and to stay out of Room Number 1.

Shaun walks down the hall and passes Room Number 1. He looks
around and says, “What the hell, I already had the best sex I’ll
ever get.” and with that, he walks into the room. He looks
around, a typical hotel room. 2 beds, a bathroom, a closet and a
desk. He then notices the hole in the wall with hair coming out.
He says, “Ok, whatever” and he goes up and humps the hole.

The next morning, he goes in to turn in the keys and the clerk
says, “….and…?” and Shaun says, “Oh, yeah, it was great….”
and the clerk asks, “You didn’t go to Room Number 1, did you?”.
Shaun says, “No I wasn’t…” and then this guy stroking his big
black beard said, “…..oh yes he diiiiiiiiid!”

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the guy in the bar

A guy is on a road trip and he needs a drink so he stops at a
bar. As soon a he takes a step in to the bar he notes its gay
bar but he does not care he really needs a drink he gos up to
the bartender and say iam so thirsty i could lick the sweat of a
cows ball and then the bartender say’s moo moo big daddy.

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2 gay guys in the shower

Two gay guys are having sex in the shower. Then the doorbell
rings. One of them goes to answer, and while he’s dressing he
says, “Don’t jackoff while I’m gone.” When he comes back,
there’s sperm all over the walls. He says ” I thought I told you
not to jackoff!” The other says, “I didn’t, I farted”

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Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a Rabbit

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, “Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first.” The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, “I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female.”

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear’s second turn for a wish. “Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well.”

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, “I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female.”

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, “I wish that
the bear was gay.”

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one day 20 men were in a pub celebrating “heres too 2 years”they
were saying,the waiter thougt it must of been somethink
important so she went over and gave them all a free drink after
she asked them what they were celebrating and one said”we have
just finished a puzzle and on the box it said 3-4 years but we
done it in two years!”

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In a Bag

There were two gay guys on a bed. The first guy gets up and
starts dressing. The other guy says, “what are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready for work.” The guy on the bed takes a bag and
starts wacking off. The dressing guy says, “What are you doing?”
“I’m making your lunch.”

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