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Archive for the ‘current events’ Category

Doorstep Dando

What is the difference between Jill Dando and Shane Richie?

Shane Ritchie passed the doorstep challenge.

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Chief Lewinsky

What do you get when you put Monica Lewinsky and Chief Geronamo in
a car?

A blown Ingine!

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Driving and Sex Ed in Iraq (derogatory)

Did you hear that they had to stop teaching drivers ed. and sex ed. at the same time in Iraqui high schools? It tires out the camels to fast.

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Paddle Boats

There is this guy who manages a company that runs the little
paddle boats on the lake. His job is to stand on the edge of the
water and time the paddle boats so that when there 15 mins is
up, he calls them back into shore.

He is standing there talking to his mate not fully paying
attention, when all of a sudden he realises that one of the
boats has been out there for 15 minutes and 22 seconds, so he
hurriedly gets on his megaphone and bellows out, “NUMBER 99 YOUR
TIME IS UP, NUMBER 99 BRING YOUR BOAT IN, NUMBER 99 YOUR TIME IS
UP”.

His mate then turns to him and says, “Haven’t you only got 72
paddle boats”.

He hurriedly gets back on the megaphone again,
“NUMBER 66, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

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How Do You Spell "Relief"

How do you spell relief?

MONICA.

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Thomas vs. Diana

What is the diffrence between Thomas the Tank Engine and Princess Diana?

Thomas makes it through tunnels.

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Ken Star

“What’s wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing.”

~ Kenneth Starr

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Monica caught

One night when Monica was leaving the White House, the Secret Service
stopped her. And do you know what they found on her…a wad of Bills (on
her blue dress).

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Don Juan, Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I
am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
“No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest
person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping
Beauty and Don Juan “I’ve had more lovers than any person in the world,”
announced Don Juan. “No, you haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping
Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they
needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in
the world, would be ideal.

Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he
would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not
a minute later came out beaming. “I am the most beautiful person in the
world, Merlin said so.” In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as
had Sleeping Beauty. “I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin
agrees.” In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour
and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, “Who the hell
is Bill Clinton?”

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President Bill

An American President named Bill
Of sex scandal and sleaze had his fill
He said to the presses, “I’ll wear low-cut dresses
And spike heels, to give Starr a real thrill!”

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Bin Laden Christmas Carol

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the land,
They’re running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama’s been praying, he’s down on his knees,
He’s hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we’d fall and shatter,
But all that he’s done is just made us madder.
We have not forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we’ll kick your butt, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You’ll soon get the answer, if you live to hear.

And we haven’t forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he hasn’t forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They’ll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove that you are a man,
‘Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.

They are our fathers and they are our sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big guns.
They would have stayed home with their children and wives,
‘Till you bastards came here and took all their lives.

Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For our air mail delivery is by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.

I will not be sorry to see your ass go,
It’s the Red, White, & Blue that is running this show!!!!

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Hilary Clinton’s new name

What’s Hilary Clinton’s new name.

Sharyn Dick.

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