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The Top 20 Signs You’re Not at the Real Olympics

20> You’re running the 100-meter dash against Scooby Doo and
Shaggy.

19> Budweiser bottles take their positions on the starting
blocks.

18> The Dream Team has Michael… but it also has Tito, Germaine,
Janet and LaToya.

17> Official Olympic program sprinkled liberally with poorly
typeset ads for Shorty’s Ribs.

16> Banner reading, “Sponsored by High Times Magazine.”

15> So-called Olympic “torch” closely resembles a Coleman
lantern.

14> Disproportionate number of athletes named Corky.

13> Opening ceremonies consist of tapping a keg and
releasing the weasel.

12> Swim coach insists you shave off *his* body hair.

11> Decathlete disqualified for not using a standard table
spoon in the potato relay.

10> Water tables along marathon route handing out shots
of  Jaegermeister.

9> Competing countries include Oz and the People’s
Republic of Hawaii.

8> Rules of 400-meter relay require you to chase a
mechanical rabbit.

7> America’s best hope for boxing gold?  Stallone and
DeNiro.

6> You’re pulled out of the crowd to run the 4×100 meter relay
after the original anchor goes into labor.

5> Crack open that gold medal — it’s choc-o-licious!

4> 10-meter platform dive replaced with tire swing competition.

3> Alpha Theta fails in bid for fourth consecutive gold medal in
distance vomiting.

2> Winner of the long jump?  Not Carl, but *Emmanuel*
Lewis.

1> Basketball halftime score: Klingons 35, Romulans 32.

            
[   The Top 5
List     
www.topfive.com   ]             
[   Copyright 1996, 2005 by Chris
White   ] 

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