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Can’t talk now!

A woman is on her honeymoon with her new French husband.

She is giving him oral sex when the phone rings.

The husband answers it, to find out it is his mother-in-law, asking for her daughter.

He says, “She cannot talk rrright now, she ‘as a frog in ze thrrroat.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

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George Bush on his upbringing

George Bush on his upbringing- “Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very
strict. They didn’t want rich and us to grow up to be spoiled. If we left our
tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.”
(Not a real quote)

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God Is White?

Actually, God made Adam white because He Himself is white. Here’s the proof:�To Moses he said “I am what I am”. If He were black, He’d have said “I be what I be.”

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Memory Loss

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years… chatting, and enjoying each other”s friendship.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don”t be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.”

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, “How soon do you have to know?”

Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Tantilazing

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mexians and lowrider

Q: Why do Mexicans drive lowriders? A: So they can drive and pick lettuce at the same time.

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Snail in a bar

A snail walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water.
The bartender then yelled “get out of my bar””!!He kicked the snail 20 feet away from the bar.
20 years later the snail comes back and asks “”why did you do that””??

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Celibacy

Many aspects of human nature are very puzzling.

Take celibacy.

This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a marriage encounter weekend, Trevor and Kylie listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the men, “Can you each name and describe your wife’s favourite flower?”

Trevor leaned over, touched Kylie’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s the white, self-raising brand, isn’t it?”

Thus began Trevor’s life of celibacy.

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Microsoft Husbands

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now….”

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I will give you another bottle of milk ……….

There was this girl called shagalot and her mam goes out to do some shopping . The milk man comes and sees shagalot in her silk dressing gown . the milk man says i will give you another bottle of milk if you take your clothes off and shagalot says ok so she takes her clothes off.the milk man next sasy i will give you another bottle of milk if we can go into your bed room shagalot says ok and does so.the milk man then says i will give you another bottle of milk if i can have sex with you then her mam comes in and goes upto her room and says SHAGALOT!!! the mmilk man then says I AM TRYING AM TRYING !!

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Good Lawyers?

What is the difference between a good Lawyer and a great Lawyer?

Answer: A good Lawyer knows the law and a great Lawyer knows the Judge!!!

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One hungry Bush…

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up
to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says,
“Honey, can I have a quickie?”

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women’s rights and
storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, “George, its pronounced ‘quiche’.”

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Hombre inteligente + mujer inteligente

Hombre inteligente + mujer inteligente = Romance

Hombre inteligente + mujer tonta = Amor�o

Hombre tonto + mujer tonta = Embarazo

Hombre tonto + mujer inteligente = Boda

Jefe inteligente + empleado inteligente = Utilidades

Jefe inteligente + empleado tonto = Productividad

Jefe tonto + empleado inteligente = Ascenso

Jefe tonto + empleado tonto = Horas Extras

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