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CONGRESS.SYS corrupted. Re-boot Washington?…

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted. Re-boot Washington?(Y/N)[Y] Rate This Post :

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Men are stupid

Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their
minds?
A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

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We’re Lesbians

This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two ladies a drink.” The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.” The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn’t matter, I want to buy those women a drink.” The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.” The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.” The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any good?” The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.” The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?” The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussy’s.” The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”

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Evening Classes

SPRING 1998

SELF IMPROVEMENT

1100 Creative Suffering

1101 Overcoming Peace of Mind

1102 You & Your Birthmark

1103 Guilt Without Sex

1104 The Primal Shrug

1105 Ego Gratification Through Violence

1106 Moulding Your Child’s Behaviour Through Fear

1107 Dealing With Post-Realisation Depression

1108 Whine Your Way to Alienation

1109 How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through Pretence & Ostentation

1110 Body Language for Epileptics

1111 Catholics Women’s Guide to Orgasm

BUSINESS & CAREER

0001 I Made $100 in Real Estate

0002 Money Can Make You Rich

0003 Packaging & Selling Your Child

0004 Career Opportunities In El Salvador

0005 How to Profit from Your Own Body

0006 The Under-Achievers Guide to Very Small Business

0007 Tax Shelters for the Indigent

0008 Looter’s Guide to European Cities

0009 How to Land a Job in Algeria

1001 Methods of Blackmail

HOME ECONOMICS

401 Cultivating Viruses in Your Refrigerator

402 Burglar-Proof Your Home with Concrete

403 Sinus Drainage at Home

404 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy

405 Teach Your Goldfish Buddhism

406 Christianity and the art of TV Maintenance

407 How to Convert a Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy

HEALTH & FITNESS

1202 Creative Tooth Decay

1203 Exercise & Acne

1204 The Joys of Hypochondria

1205 High Fibre Sex

1206 Suicide & Your Health

1207 Skate Your Way to Regularity

1208 Biofeed & How to Stop

1209 Understanding Nudity

1210 Tap Dance Your Way to Ridicule

1211 Optional Body Functions

1212 Leprosy & Pole Vaulting- How to Avoid it

1213 Elective Surgery in the Home

1214 Over 26 – How to Tell an Orgasm from a Heart Attack

CRAFTS

1011 Self Actualisation Through Macrame

1012 How to Draw Genitalia

1013 Weaving With Body Hair

1014 Cancelled

1015 Gifts for the Senile

1016 Bonsai Your Pet

1017 Rearranging Your Hate

1018 Masochism for the Over 40’s

1019 Post-Coital Rug Making

1020 Creative Nail Clipping Arrangements

RELIGION

6660 Ritual Cookie Sacrifices

6661 Moonie Burial Rites

6662 Just Say Noah

6663 Matzoth Baking Without Perforations

6664 Advanced Hell Fire Fighting

6665 Rap & Heavy Metal Hymns

6667 Condensed Bible Study

6668 Satan and Satin

6669 —Over Subscribed —

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German

What does Yoshi use as a lubricant?

Visine

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Programmer Guffaws

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that’s a hardware problem.

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College Courses for Women

1…Silence, the final frontier – Where no woman has gone before.
2…The undiscovered side of Banking – How to make deposits.
3…Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome – You don’t need new shoes everyday.
4…Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.
5…Nag Nag Nag – how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
6…An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.
7…Man Management – Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.
8…Personal Space – Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.
9…Valuation – Just because it’s not important to you.
10..Communication Skills I – Tears as the last resort and not the first.
11..Communication Skills II – How to think before speaking.
12..What he really wants – Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.
13..Driving a car safely – A skill you can also acquire.
14..Real women drink their share at a party.
15..Telephones – How to hang up.
16..Parking – Beginners Course.
17..Parking (Advanced) – Reversing into a parking space.
18..The Natural Habitat of the Towel – Why they prefer the floor.
19..Managing your weight – It’s not water retention, it’s fat.
20..Learning to cook I – Bran in not food.
21..Learning to cook II – Bringing back bacon and eggs.
22..Compliments – How to accept them gracefully.
23..PMS – Your problem, not his.

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Question and answer blonde joke

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?A: “Thanks for the refill!”

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Una mujer le explica a

Una mujer le explica a la persona que est� frente a ella:

“Doctor, estoy enferma, siento un ardor en el coraz�n…”

“Se�orita, en primer lugar yo no soy m�dico, soy el cantinero. Segundo, usted no est� enferma: est� borracha y, tercero, el ardor es porque tiene una teta metida en el cenicero”.

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The priest and the sailor playin golf

A priest and a sailor are playing golf together, the sailor steps up to hit his ball, he takes a swing and misses and he says”FUCK I MISSED” the priest says to him “my son,if you swear god will punish you”. The sailor takes another swing misses again and says “fuck, i missed” the priest replies “i told you my son if you curse god will punish you”

They eventually get to the green,the sailor putts the ball and barely misses the hole and again the sailor says “fuck I missed” and suddenly athuncer bolt shoots down and hits the priest and kills him and a powerful and deep voice says “AH FUCK I MISSED”

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Blind Pilots

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are
seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under
way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin
walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind.

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as
he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have
their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and
the airplane starts moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among
themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer
and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and
more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a
sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and
at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to
the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to
scream, and we’re gonna get killed!

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Q: How many Cancerians

Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

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