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Computer scientists do it asynchronously….

Computer scientists do it asynchronously.

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This is a compilation of

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service
bloopers:

* Our next song is ”Angels We Have Heard Get High”.

* Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ”What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Question and answer Christmas joke

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?A: Because it ” soots ” him!

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Q: How many veterinarians

Q: How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!

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Female Stages of Life

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig

AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 “Burger King” 25 “Free meal” 35 “A diamond” 48 “A bigger diamond” 66 “Home Alone”

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man

AGE WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66

AGE IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast

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Astrology Laws: It’s always

Astrology Laws: It’s always the wrong time of the month. – Rozanne Weissman

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Knock Knock Joke

Will you know me tommorow? Will you next week? Will you know me next year? Will you know me in two years? Okay then. Knock Knock. Whos their? I thought that you said you would know me.

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Blonde Horses Around

There once was this blonde riding a horse. After a while it began to speed up. She was hanging on by the tail and cut her forehead open. After a long struggle, she was able to climb back onto the horse. She then fell off the side and got her foot caught. The horse was now dragging her. She finally got back on the horse with a broken ankle, bruises all over, and she was bleeding from three different spots. Finally, the horse came to a complete stop. Thank goodness that the manager of the K-mart came out and shut the machine off.

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Mike Tyson retires

Mike Tyson has retired from boxing.

He finishes with a record of 50 wins, 6 losses, 21 felonies and 79 misdemeanors.

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Houses Made of…

If red houses are made of redwood and white houses are made of whitewood,
then what are greenhouses made of?

Glass.

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Washington

Q: What’s the newest game in Washington?

A: Swallow the leader.

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Do something unusual today.

Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.

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