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Hair Cut

A blonde went to a hair dresser’s one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, “I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off.” The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde’s hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard…”breath in…breath out…breath in…breath out…”!

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Girls Night Out

So … the other day, my friends and I went to this “Ladies Night
Club.”

One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill.
The “dancer” came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put
it on his butt cheek.

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls
the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt
cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend
pulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the
$50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the
attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that?

I got out my wallet, thought for a minute … and then the financial
analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the
crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!

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On stag night, you take

On stag night, you take a real deer.You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.Your back porch is bigger than your house.

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Children of Isreal

At Sunday school, the new teacher, finished the day’s lesson. It was now time
for the usual question period.

“Mr. Morris,” announced little Jojo, “there’s something I can’t figure out.”

“What’s that Jojo?” asked Morris.

“Well according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea,
right?”

“Right.”
“And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”

“Er – right.”

“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”

“Again, you’re right.”

“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel
fought the Romans and the Children of Israel were always doing something
important, right?”

“All that is right, too,” agreed Morris. “So what’s your question?”

“What I wanna know is this,” demanded Joey. “What were all the grown-ups doing
all that time?”

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Bill’s favorite song is:

“Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy”!

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bin laden and sex

osama bin laden has 5 wives and do you want to know why he
never had sex with them?

answer: because every time he tried he would say nice pussy they
would say PUSH PUSSY PUSH

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Cat food!

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

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Shag your sheep

A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer. ”So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?””Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.””That’s very interesting,” replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer. ”So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your sheep?””Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.””That’s very interesting,” replies the researcher. ”That’s how they do it in Cornwall too.” And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets a farmer from Abergaveny. ”So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your sheep?””Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders.””Over your shoulders?” replies the researcher. ”Don’t you put them over a wall like everyone else?””What?” says the farmer. ”And miss out on all the kissing?!”

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Borschtbelt Zinger

You’re so fat, when you sit around the house you really sit around the house.

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Yo mama is so fat

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

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And Jesus said to the

And Jesus said to the Mexicans

“Don’t do anything until I get back.”

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A married couple

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife
(undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, �How
should I know, that�s 200 miles from here!� and hung up. The husband said, �Who
was that?� The wife said, �I don�t know, some woman wanting to know �if the
coast is clear.�

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