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La hija, que viv�a en

La hija, que viv�a en los Estados Unidos, mensualmente le consignaba a su padre la suma de US$2.000 para su sustento en Colombia. Cuando en una ocasi�n la hija viaj� a visitar a su padre, al pesarle el remordimiento, decide informarle a su padre que era prostituta y que el dinero que le enviaba era parte de sus ganancias. El padre, despu�s de rega�arla, decide echarla de su casa.

Pasaron un par de meses y el padre no volvi� a recibir la mesada; entonces, decide llamar a la muchacha:

“Hija, cuando Ud. vino a visitarme qu� fue lo que me dijo. Es que estoy perdiendo la memoria; adem�s, estoy casi sordo, �qu� fue lo que me dijo?”

“Pap�, yo le dije que me hab�a vuelto prostituta”.

“Ah, eso, m’ija, perd�neme, �yo pens� que me hab�a dicho que se volvi� protestante!”

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Blonde Joke Jackpot!

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

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Error messages for Win2000

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
To “shut down” your system, type “WIN.”
BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word. “Word has detected that you don’t wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?”
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

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Lleg� un doctor a hacer

Lleg� un doctor a hacer su servicio social a un pueblo en la sierra. A los pocos d�as, empez� a notar que en el pueblo no hab�a mujeres y �ste se preguntaba c�mo le hac�an los hombres para satisfacer sus necesidades sexuales.

Un d�a, en una de las consultas, le pregunt� a su paciente: “D�game Don Pancho, �c�mo le hacen ustedes para satisfacerse si aqu� en el pueblo no hay mujeres?”

“Muy f�cil, por la tarde vaya para el r�o y ah� encontrar� su respuesta”.

En la tarde, el m�dico se dirije al r�o y, cu�l fue su sorpresa: que hab�a tremenda fila… todo el pueblo estaba ah�. El doctor se form� al final de la fila y el �ltimo, al darse cuenta de que era el m�dico, le permiti� pasarse hacia adelante y as� todos le fueron dejando su lugar hasta que el doctor qued� al inicio de la fila.

Lo que encontr� el m�dico fue un burro y pens�: “�Ahhh! As� es como se satisfacen estos cabrones. Bueno, ni modo”. Y se acomod� como pudo el doctor y le empez� a dar al burro por detr�s.

Pasado un rato, el segundo de la fila le pregunta al galeno: “Doctor, �le falta mucho?”

“No, ya mero termino, �por qu� me pregunta?”

“Lo que pasa es que necesitamos al burro para cruzar el r�o porque del otro lado est�n las �PUTAS!”

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Knock KnockWho’s there?Gipper!Gipper who!Gipper your

Knock KnockWho’s there?Gipper!Gipper who!Gipper your best!

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Blonde and the pop machine.

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine.
Her boyfriend looks over and hears here sceaming at the machine…

“You’re a dumb-looking button!”
“You don’t have much of a future, either!”
“You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button!”
“I’ve got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!”

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

“What in the heck are you doing?” her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that read…
“DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE”.

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Another dress

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy: “I’ve got another dress for you to clean.”

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, “Come again?”

“No,” says Monica. “Mustard!”

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The Raffle

A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she’s wearing a diamond
necklace. He asks his wife, “Where did you get that necklace?”
She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
dinner.”

The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her
husband asks, “Where did you get the bracelet?”

She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
dinner.”

The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink
coat. He says, “I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?” She replies, “Yeah
I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”

Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only
one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, “HEY! There’s only an
inch of water in the tub.” He replies, “I didn’t want you to get your raffle
ticket wet.”

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Wedding Questions and Answers

Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
Not if you are the groom.

How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
At least one within a week of the wedding.

What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
Anything except “Tied to the Whipping Post”.

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Blonde Bar Joke

Why did the blond take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.

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Hamlet Anagram

As Word Ways magazine discovered, if you take all the letters in this famous speech — To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune… — you can anagram them into these deep thoughts: In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

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How can u tell a blond is having a bad day

her tampons are stuck behind her ears and she can’t find her pencils

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